Day 126: A False Lock

Training day. Class is in session. Luckily, it was only for a small part of the day, so I was able to start my morning off slow. I got my shower, got ready, got the animals and my son in order enough to get on the computer, posted yesterday’s entry, and got my area prepared for training. To say I was nervous is a complete understatement… and this was just training. This was not even the part I should be that nervous about, really. Nonetheless, I struggled to make myself eat. I did it, though. The nausea started a couple of hours before the live time, so I wrote some before the training started and will expand on this entry afterward. A little experiment on myself.

The case study that is me continues. The case studies I am working on overall continue too, and they are in full force now because my attitude toward all of it has changed, but right now, none of that can be my focus. I have been preparing for this training. Sweaty palms. Ready to puke. Anything worthwhile makes me feel deeply. It makes me nervous. It gives me this exhilarating feeling that is all at once frightening, undeniable, and illuminating.

I kind of feel bad for people who never experience life that deeply. Even when it hurts, I love the pain because it means I am experiencing life. I am taking risks. Chances. I am being authentically me…

Quiet Part Day 126: Fear can make the doorway look like a wall, but today reminded me it still opens. The lesson did not come to punish me for what still hurts. It came to show me how to move forward without carrying it the same way. The next version of me has been standing on the other side for a while, waiting for me to stop mistaking fear for a locked door.

May 6th, 2026

The next portion continues inside The Inner Archive: Day 126: A False Lock