Day 107: Beyond the Surface

For as long as I can remember, I have had vivid dreams. Mostly nightmares. Nothing I really want to get into too deeply here, but it has always been up and down. It gets worse when I am not in the right state of mind, which makes sense, but even when life is good and I feel good, I can still be haunted by certain things. Last night was one of those nights. I feel like it was one nightmare after another. They used to get so bad that I would wake up drenched in sweat, panicked, and the only thing I could do was get straight into the shower to calm myself down. I used to be scared to tell people that.

Would that make me seem weak? Unstable? Less credible? Less serious? I already felt like people took me less seriously than they should have, and I did not want to hand them another reason. If people knew how hard my demons hit me sometimes, how my past still moves through me, they would think differently of me. Or at least that is what I thought, but the thing about vulnerability, even in small doses, is that I started realizing there are more people like me than I ever understood. More people are carrying things they cannot always explain. More people are trying to get through the day while haunted by things they thought they should have been over by now, and maybe there is something beautiful in that. Maybe we really can help pull each other through. Maybe we can make the days just a little lighter for one another…

Quiet Part Day 107: Wonder without wisdom is just another way to get lost, but wisdom without wonder is no life at all. That is why I cannot live on the surface, but I also cannot afford to give profound things to what has only offered possibility. I can honor what awakens me without giving it more than it has earned.

April 17th, 2026

The fuller entry continues into the member’s space: Day 107: Beyond the Surface