Day 13: Measured Access
The word “friend” gets thrown around far too easily. Liking me… being nice in brief connections… doesn’t make you my friend. Even shared vulnerability doesn’t automatically earn that role. Being “cool”, surface-level connections, and proximity don’t guarantee friendship. Friendship, to me, is built through time, consistency, accountability, and care… not access alone. It’s not a casual title to me. It isn’t created through liking, brief connection, or shared environments. We can enjoy each other, respect each other, even care about each other… and still not be friends. Friendship requires trust and the ability to hold one another without control or entitlement. It isn’t created by proximity, politeness, or time alone. We can even collaborate briefly, but none of that makes us friends. That word means something to me, and I don’t hand it out lightly anymore.
Even when connection deepens, it never entitles anyone to shape my self-perception or demand emotional access. I am open to being corrected and accountability. I want to be told when I’ve caused harm. I believe in honest dialogue when both people are willing to examine themselves. When there is mutual respect and a willingness to look inward. What I won’t do is participate in dynamics where my refusal to comply is labeled as the problem. I do not orient myself around dynamics where accountability only flows in one direction. More often than not, conflict isn’t rooted in harm at all… it comes from people refusing to face their own patterns, and then becoming upset when I turn out not to be another “yes man.” People being confronted with themselves and resenting that I won’t carry it for them, is not my responsibility. I don’t play along. I don’t appease, and I never will. And I don’t expect anyone else to either. That’s not what I want from connection. I want truth, not comfort built on avoidance. I want growth, not proximity built on performance.
I don’t want people to agree with me to stay close. And I will never shrink myself so others don’t have to examine themselves any longer. That’s not connection. That’s performance. That is why my circle is measured intentionally. Not because I lack love, but because I protect where my energy goes. This energy is not negotiable. It was given to me for a reason, and I take responsibility for where it goes. I don’t want people to perform for me. I don’t want compliance or echo chambers. I am in the market for sincerity. That alone filters most connections naturally. Everything else fades into the background noise with time.
The people who truly know me, love me, and stand beside me without conditions give me all the grounding I need and are more than enough. Their love and support sustain me more than numbers ever could. Outsiders don’t get to define my direction, and charm doesn’t replace character.
Trust takes time. Words don’t earn it. Who you are when no one is watching does. And not everyone is willing to take the time to invest into it because trust takes longer than charm. Longer than credentials and first impressions. And I am a-okay with that.
Quiet Part Day 13: I protect the source so the work can exist. Curiosity doesn’t guarantee closeness. Trust isn’t complicated, but it is earned.
January 13th, 2026
