Day 111: The End of the Day

I woke up in a total antisocial mood. I wanted to be left alone. People pop up when they want to. When it is convenient for them. Multiple people… and I am not just sitting around waiting for someone to decide when I am good enough to talk to. I was so over it today. The sad part is that there is always a piece of me that knows this is inevitable. These feelings. These emotions. That awful place where it feels like I am the only one carrying the weight of it. I hate that feeling. I get invested, I let things matter, and then somehow it all blows up in my face again. So yes, I backed away today. Do not disturb. Music up. Zoned out of the world. That is where I belonged today.

Meditation day it was. Today is day 111. With 11/1 being my birthday, and me always loving the combinations of 1, 11, 111, 1111, it almost felt fitting. If there was ever a day to feel everything and know that this experience was mine to move through, this was it. Sometimes healing, when it reaches a certain point of realization, gives you the strength to know that even through tears and hurt, you still have to recognize when enough is enough and step back. People can say I am sensitive or that I take things too personally, but there is a difference, and I will not let people convince me otherwise. People put energy where they want to put energy. I am done wasting mine. Come to me when you want and see how far that gets you here…

Quiet Part Day 111: I think there is wisdom in knowing when the day has said enough, and when my only real job is to rest and begin again tomorrow. Some things are better left with the night. I can sort the rest out as I go. I trust whatever comes next.

April 21st, 2026

The fuller version of this reflection continues within The Inner Archive: Day 111: The End of the Day